literature

Requesting a Forecast

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Literature Text

*Ring ring, ring ring*

Receptionist: "Hello, BBC Television Centre, Information Desk. How can we help you?"

Caller: "Oh hello, I was just wondering if I could speak to the weatherman, please."

Receptionist: "Er... The weatherman?"

Caller: "Yes. The weather lady would be just as useful I suppose, if that's any easier."

Receptionist: "Do you have a specific name?"

Caller: "Of course I do, I'm Tim."

Receptionist: "No, sorry, I meant do you have the name of one of the staff here that you would like to speak to?"

Caller: "Oh right, silly me. In that case, no, I don't."

Receptionist: "Ok, sir. Can I ask about the nature of this call."

Caller: "Well unsurprisingly, it's about the weather. I was looking to see if I could make a request."

Receptionist: "A request, sir?"

Caller: "Mhmm. You see, I've noticed that every time England has quite a grotty day, weather wise, France seems to have quite a lovely day; even more lovelier than when it's sunny in England. It works both ways, so when we have nice days, France has horrible ones."

Receptionist: "Right, I'm not quite sure-"

Caller: "The thing is, I've booked a holiday to France on the fifteenth of April until the twentieth and of course if it were sunny, it would totally make it so much enjoyable."

Receptionist: "..."

Caller: "Are you taking this down?"

Reception: "Erm... Yes?"

Caller: "Good good. Well all I wanted to ask the weatherman/lady was if they could simply arrange to have lots of sun in England for the next however many days until the fifteenth and then simply swap it around, so when I go to France, England's weather is rubbish again and so I can have a lovely time. I figured if we did it that way, England wouldn't feel as though they were being conned out of a sunny day."

Receptionist: "... It doesn't quite work like that, sir."

Caller: "Are you the weather lady?"

Receptionist: "Excuse me?"

Caller: "Are you the weather lady?"

Receptionist: "No, I-"

Caller: "No you're not, exactly. So why don't you just pass on my little message to the weatherpeople, who actually know what they're talking about, before getting on with your word searches or sudoku or whatever you do to pass the time in between calls."

Reception: "Sir, I'd appreciate it-"

Caller: "You've served your purpose, I don't care what you'd appreciate."

*Caller hangs up*

Receptionist: "Prick."
For some reason I've had this little sketch in my head for a while now. I guess it's 'cause I am going to France on the 15th and want it to be damn nice weather over there!!!
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dagingercode's avatar
Jack... C'est awesome